The full list of 2550 Funny Bumper Stickers.

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"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
"Don't moan"- Moses 3:3
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
0 to bitch in 3.6 seconds.
10,000 Roman Lions can't be wrong... Christians just taste better!
100,000 Lemmings can't be wrong!
100,000 sperm and You were the fastest?
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
4-given
43% of all statistics are useless.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
500,000 battered women and I'm still eating mine plain!
51% angel, 49% bitch and 10% mathematician!
51% Angel, 49% Bitch. Don't push it!
667 Neighbour of the Beast.
90% of people are made by accident.
A baby's life begins at conception, yours ends when you knock up my daughter.
A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working.
A bad day of golf beats a good day of working.
A black hole will see you through Monday.
A boss is like a diaper. Always on your ass and constantly full of crap.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a hammer.
A closed mind doesn't need drugs. It's already wasted
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A dirty mind is a wonderful thing!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
A flight attendant is to save your ass, not to kiss it!
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
A friend in need is a pain in the ass!
A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
A good girl is Good, but I'm even Better!
A hard man is good to find!
A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?
A kiss is an upper persuasion for a lower invasion!
A little honey is good for your health. Pick me up at 8:00?
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
A man and his truck: It's a beautiful thing.
A man is as old as he feels, but never as important.
A man is as old as the woman he feels.
A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on.
A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you flash me.
A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail
A real gentleman wouldn't stare at my stickers.
A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
A six pack to you is just a six pack... To me its life support!
A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
A wise man sometimes changes his mind, a fool never does.
A Woman's Place is in the House... and Senate!
A woman and her truck... It's a great thing.
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
A woman with a big fat ass should dump him
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A zealot's stones will break my bones, but gods will never hurt me.
A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive!
Abolish mornings!
Abortion doesn't make you unpregnant, it makes you the mother of a dead child!
Abortion is FOREVER -- get the facts first.
Abortion: A baby can live without it!
Abortion: A woman's right to capitulate to the patriarchal establishment.
Absolute zero is Cool.
Accepting Jesus is only good for eternity.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Actions Speak Louder than Bumperstickers.
Adam was a divorce', First Lilith Then Eve.
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
Against Abortion? Then Don't Have One.
Agnostics can do anything if they have something to not believe in.
Ahhhh... good to the last drop!
Ain't goin' down 'till the sun comes up!
Al-Hajj: God's version of Lollapalooza.
Alaskans For Global Warming.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
All Acts of Love & Pleasure Are My Rituals.
All extremists should be shot.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All generalizations are false.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I need is some peace and quiet. If I got a piece I'd be quiet!
All I want to do is massage your back. TRUST me...
All men are Animals! But if you can train them, they make good pets.
All men are Animals, Some just make better Pets!
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
All The Arms We Need Are For Hugging.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
All ya gotta do is just gimme that wink.
All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.
All you need is One.
Allah gives and forgives, Man gets and forgets.
Allah Protect Me From Your Followers.
Always be sincere. Even when you don't mean it!
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Always remember: Pillage first, THEN burn!
Always yield to temptation. It may never pass your way again.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
Amateur Rocket Scientist: My other vehicle is in orbit.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
America needs a Faith Lift!
America! Love it or leave it.
American by birth, Irish by blood and Celtic by choice.
An angry dragon may eat you, but an angry woman is truly dangerous.
An erection does not constitute personal growth.
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Anarchists of the world unite!
Anarchy, No rules - OK?
And I believe my book is true... I guess we're even.
And on the 8th day, God played golf!
And on the 8th day, God sobered up!
And on the 8th day, God went fishing!
And on the 8th day, God went skiing!
And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
And, whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Ankh if you love ISIS.
Ankh if you love RA.
Annoy a liberal. Work hard and smile.
Annoy a politician today. THINK!
Another Deadline, Another Miracle!
Another dopeless hope fiend!
Answer my prayer -- steal this car.
Any book worth banning is a book worth reading.
Any God is good, When possitive!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Anyone who can see through a woman, is missing a lot!
Anyone who claims that God is on their side is dangerous as hell.
Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy!
Archaeologists are the cowboys of science.
Are lightning rods contrary to God's will?
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
Are you as close to Jesus as you are to my bumper?
Are you going to cum quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Are you happy or are you married?
Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?
Are you stoned or just stupid?
Are you sure this isn't just a live-action roleplaying game?
Are you wearing a condom?
Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
Aren't you glad your mother was Pro-Life?
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As a former fetus I oppose abortion.
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
As Above So Below.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
Ask Me About My Eternal Torment.
Ask Me About My Previous Lives.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ask me if I care!
Ass, Grass or Gas nobody rides for free!
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
Assassins do it from behind!
At Exxon, we help Jesus walk on water.
At last! I finally found the perfect man!
Atheism- There's no substitute for being right.
Atheism cures Religious terrorism.
Atheism is a non-profit organization.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheism is just a religion.
Atheism is myth-understood.
Atheists are Beyond Belief
Athletes love to score!
ATLANTIS RISING!
Attitudes are the real disability.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children.
Avoid life. It'll kill you in the end.
Axe me about Ebonics.
B.I.B.L.E.- Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Baby in trunk!
Baby, I'm your's!
Back off! I'm not that kind of car.
Back Off, I'm a Goddess.
Back off, I'm a Postal worker.
Back off, I just found out that I'm God and I'm pissed.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Back up off my bumper, it's a letal weapon.
Bad Cop!! No Donut!
Balance the budget. Declare politicians as game and sell hunting stamps.
Ban toilet cleaner. Germs have feelings too.
Barbie is not a slut: her legs won't open.
Barbie SUCKS! (And Ken loves it)
BAST & SEKHMET, The sign of the cat.
Be alert. Your country needs lerts.
Be creative, invent a perversion!
Be Kind to Animals, Don't Eat Them.
Be nice to me, or I just might develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home!
Be prepared. The meek are coming.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.
BE WITCHED.
Be ye fishers of men: You catch them. He'll clean them.
Beam me back Merlin.
Beam Me Up Scotty! There's No Intelligent Life Down Here.
Bean me up Scotty! They make lousy coffee down here
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!
Beat the evening rush hour, leave work at noon!
Beautify Texas! Put a Yankee on a bus.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Bee Healthy. Eat your Honey!
Been There - Shit Happened.
Been there done that... smile; God still loves you.
Been there. Done that. Can't remember why...
Been there. Done that. Went back for more.
Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.
BEER: Helping the ugly get laid since... FOREVER!
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
Beer: Teaching white people to dance since 1867.
Before... I knew better!
Behind every successful woman is herself.
Believe in life after death. Mess with my car and you'll find out.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bin Laden hates Rock'n Roll.
Bin Laden used Your gass money.
Bipartisanship.. I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my ass.
Black Holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed be the censors, for they shall truly inhibit the earth.
Blessed by Jesus - Spoiled by my husband.
Blondes arent dumm
Blondes have more fun... with Me! Blow your mind. Smoke gunpowder.
Body By Nautilus, Brain By Mattel!
Boldly going Nowhere!
Bomb Texas. They have oil!
Book lovers never go to bed alone!
Born Again Atheist
Born again Pagan.
Born Again Voodooist
Born Again. And again, and again, and again ....
Born Again? Why don't you just grow up?
Born free. Taxed to death!
Born free: My father's a doctor.
Born OK the First Time.
Born once, that was plenty.
Born right the first time.
Born to Shop!
Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over your ass!
Boycott ignorance. Sleep in this Sunday.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!
BRAISE THE LORD: 450 degrees for 90 minutes. Add Veggies. Season to Taste.
Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you from your car.
Buddha on Board.
Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
Bush & Cheney Kiss My Ashcroft !
Buy American, while there is still time!
C'mon Jesus ain't gay! Judas kissed him!
C:Coffee.exe NOT FOUND <A>bort, <R>etry, <B>rew another pot?
Cabtender I'm fitshased call me a bar to take me drunk I'm home.
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu!
Can't Make It To Church. Just Too Many Human Sacrifices To Perform. Sorry.
Can't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.
Can't stop now. On my way to hell.
Can I test drive your vulva?
Can you kill the Holy Ghost? Or is it too late for that?
Can you think on your own, or do you need the media to think for you?
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it!
Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities!
Casinos Still Give Better Odds than Churches.
Cats are amazing! Cute, furry, friendly, and only 140 calories per serving!
Cats are children that you don't have to send to college.
Cats are dogs with a college education.
Cats don't want to own people. They prefer to lease with an option.
Cats humor us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.
Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough.
Cats make great pets -- out of their owners
Cats make more sense than men
Cats make more sense than women
CATS. The other white meat!
CAUTION! - Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore!
CAUTION! - Driver legally blonde!
CAUTION! - I brake for hookers
CAUTION! - I brake for tailgaters
CAUTION! - I drive just like you!
CAUTION! - Vampire in trunk!
Caution! Former fetus driving!
Caution! Messiah on Board!
Caution! Rosemary's Baby On Board!
Caution! Trigger-happy Klingon on Tactical!
Caution! Will brake for tailgaters.
Celebrate Goddess!
Celebrate Science & Humanity....Darwin Day!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Charlton Heston is MY Moses!
Charter Member: International Xenophobe Society.
Charter Member: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
Chaste makes waste.
Chicken Little was Right!
Children Are People Too.
Choose to be Chosen -- Choose Judaism!
Choosy moms choose life!
Christ's table is open to all... Guess who's coming to dinner!
Christian have more fun... especially later!
Christian Math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 1
Christianity has Pagan DNA!
Christians: can't live with them can't feed lions without them.
Christians: You can't live with them, you can't feed them to the lions anymore .
Churches should stay out of politics or be taxed.
Civil Disobedience - It's not just for revolutionaries anymore!
Clear the road, I am SIXTEEN!
Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult.
Clinton can't feel my pain, Clinton IS my pain!
Clinton doesn't inhale... he SUCKS!
Clones are people two.
Closet Extrovert.
Club soda, not seals.
Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Come closer and tell me about it!
Come out, come out, whatever you are!
Come Rapture the world will be ours once again.
Come the Rapture - Can I have your Car?
Come the rapture, we'll have the earth to ourselves!
Come to Florida, and DIE!
Commit random acts of kindness and create senseless beauty!
Common sense isn't very common.
Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
COMPASSION? Try it, you'll like it!
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
Computers are like the Old Testament God. Lots of rules and no mercy.
Computers are vehicles for the mind. They drive you crazy!
Computers aren't intelligent. They just think they are.
Computers help us to do stupid things faster!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Conservatives suck
Conserve water. Shower with a friend.
Constipated mathematicians have to work it out with a pencil.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Control your destiny or someone else will.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could Jesus change a water closet into a wine cellar?
Could Jesus change a water cooler into a wine cooler?
Could Jesus change the Whitewater Scandal into the White Wine Scandal?
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
Cover me! I'm changing lanes.
Cowgirls like to ride bareback.
Cracker Jacks must be in the license business again.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Cthulhu Saves: so he can eat later.
Cthulu: My God ate your God.
Cute and definitely huggable...YES, me!
Cute and definitely huggable...YES, you!
Cuz when the night falls, you make me forget.
Daddy drinks because you cry.
Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Dain bramaged!
DAMM: Drunks against Mad Mothers.
Dancers do it on the floor.
Dancers do it to music.
Dancers do it with rhythm.
Dare to Legalize Drugs.
Dare To Think For Yourself.
Darwin and the Dead KNOW better NOW.
Darwin Loves You.
Dead men tell no tales... unless you're in forensics.
Dead people are cool.
Death Before Dishonor. Nothing Before Coffee!
Death is hereditary.
Defecation eventuates.
Definition of a prostitute: Receiver of swollen goods.
Denial is not a river in egypt!
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Diahoerea is a heredatory ilness, it runs in the family.
Diapers are Disposable... BABIES ARE NOT! Stop abortion!
Diarrhoea is inherited. It runs in your jeans!
Did Job ever collect unemployment?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Did you check if your horn works?
Did you forget God? Or was I supposed to pick him up!
Did you take a shit today? Well, put it back!
Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man?
Die Yuppie Scum!
Different drummer? I'm my own band!
Dijon vu! - the same mustard as before.
Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!', till you can find a rock.
Disco still sucks!
Discourage Inbreeding. Ban Country Music!
Diversity is the spice of life.
DIVORCE: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do it only with the best.
Do it to me one more time ...
Do not adjust your mind: it is reality that is malfunctioning!
Do Not Disturb... Occupant is disturbed enough already
Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup.
Do Not Meddle in the affairs of Witches ...
Do not start with me. You will not win.
Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
Do you think you'd drive any better with that phone up your ass?
Do you think you could drive any better with that car phone stuck up your BUTT?
Do you trust a government that doesn't trust you with guns?
Doctor's try, Jesus saves!
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does the universe lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
Dogs are like children that you don't have to send to college
Dogs come when called. *I* need more DIRECT stimulation!
Dogs think men are gods. Cats are not so easily deluded.
Dogs think they're human. Cats think they're gods.
Doing my Part to P*** off the Religious Right
Dole for Pineapple.
Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!
Don't argue with your wife. Dicker.
Don't ask me about Scientology.
Don't assume I share your prejudices
Don't Be Sexist. Broads Hate That!
Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that!
Don't believe everything you think
Don't believe in reincarnation? Better luck next time!
Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus.
Don't Blame ME, I Voted For McGovern.
Don't blame me. I voted.
Don't blame me... I'm just visiting this planet!
Don't Californicate Oregon!
Don't cross your fingers, fold your hands.
Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and drop your beer!
Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and spill your drink!
Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
Don't drop out...of church.
Don't follow me I'm following my bliss.
Don't follow me, I'm lost!
Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
Don't hate yourself in the morning... Sleep till noon!
Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.
Don't honk! I'm peddling as fast as I can.
Don't honk! I'm pushing as hard as I can.
Don't laugh at these fogged up windows. It's your daughter in here.
Don't laugh! I just bought this car for my wife. Best deal I ever made!
Don't laugh! It's paid for!
Don't laugh! Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
Don't laugh! Your daughter may be inside!
Don't laugh, she swallows.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't let the world press you into its mold.
Don't let your mind wonder. It's too little to be left alone.
Don't like my driving... Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT.
Don't like my driving? Then QUIT watching me.
Don't Like Religion? Don't have One!
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you!
Don't make me get out my flying monkeys!
Don't miss today, worrying about tomorrow!
Don't Panic. Count to ten... then Panic!
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't play stupid with me... Iím better at it!
Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church.
Don't Re-Elect a Son of A Bush!
Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles
Don't Start With Me. You Know How I Get.
Don't steal. The government hates competition!
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Don't think God has a sense of humor? Look at the platypus.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
Don't vote for a jack-ass, vote republican.
Don't Vote? Don't Bitch!
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test.
Don't wear Jesus on your sleeve - Wear Him in your heart.
Donít bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
Donít presume Iím Christian.
Donít spank me with your Bible belt.
Dont assume I Share Your Prejudices
Dont drive faster than your guardian angel can fly
Dont laugh. Your daughter could be in here.
Dont piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies
Dorothy, hate Oz, taking the shoes, find your own way home- Toto
Downsizing is good, right? Then let's fire Uncle Sam!
Dr. Kevorkian for White House physician.
Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.
Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drive it like you stole it!
Driver caries only $20 in Ammunition!
Driver carries no cash. He's married.
Drugs cause amnesia...and other things I can't remember.
Druids do it in Stone Circles
Drunk,redkneck and dangerous.
Dumbass!
Dyselxics have more fnu
Dysfunctional family on board.
Dyslexics of America-Untie!
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Dyslexics Untie!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Earth Air Fire & Water Bind us to her
Earth first! (We'll rob the other planets later).
Earth first! (We'll strip mine the other planets later).
Earth First. (We'll screw up the other planets later).
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Easier said than sung in Russian.
Eat a beaver. Save a tree.
Eat a bible and pass the word
Eat beans, not beings
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
Empty the prisons - Make room for congress.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Enlightenment is like a really good cheesecake but different.
Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights.
Equal Rights for Our Unborn Sisters and Daughters!
Equal rights for unborn women
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
ETERNITY, it's HELL without Jesus!
Eternity: Smoking or Non-smoking?
Evangelists = Evils Agents.
Eve Was Framed.
Even Darwin believes now.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Even Jesus lived with his mother until he was 30.
Even though this is a stupid bumper sticker, you're squinting to read it.
Ever seen an UZI fired from a car window?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every day's a holiday when you're pagan!
Every path has some puddles.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
Everyone's got to believe in something, I believe I'll have another drink
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone makes mistakes, that why pencil have erasers
Everything I know, I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Everything I really needed to know, I learned in sniper school
Evil on board.
Evolution created anchovies - Man's ignorance put them on pizza!
Evolution is both fact and theory. Creationism is neither.
Evolutionists Do It With Increasing Complexity
Evolve D**M it!
Ex-wife for sale. Just take over payments.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
Exxon Suxx.
F**K the Poor!
Face it, girl, Prince Charming isn't coming. He's living with Mr. Right.
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
Faith is a powerful thing. It often shuts off the rational mind
Faith Is Believing What You Know Ain't So. - Mark Twain
Faith isn't faith, until its all your holding on to
Fast during Ramadan; not while you're driving.
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Father God created Mother Earth!
Feed the Homeless to the Hungry!
Feminism Is The Radical Idea That Women Are People.
Feminism is the radical notion that women are people
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
Fight crime, shoot back!
Fight organized crime. Abolish the IRS.
Fighting for Peace is like f*cking for virginity
Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.
Finish your beer. There are sober people in China.
Firefighters are always in heat.
First Hilary, then Jennifer - now us.
First they burn books, and then they burn people
Fish still swim and Jesus still lives
Fishing is not a matter of life or deathóit's more important than that.
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
Flush Rush!
Flying saucers are real. The Air Force doesn't exist.
Focus on your own D**M Family!
Focus on your own damn family!
Follow your dreams, not me.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For God so loved the world He didn't send a committee.
For some reason Jesus doesn't like M&M's.
Forbidden Fruits create many Jams!
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Forget About World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Forget Love - I want to fall in Chocolate
Forget the Flag. Burn a Politician.
Forget the Jonesses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
Forget world peace, visualize using your &+%?*$! Turn signals!
Forgive them Mother for they know not what they do.
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).
Freedom is the distance between Church and State.
Freedom of Religion means ALL Religions
Freedom Of Religion means ANY Religion.
Freelance gynecologist.
Freya's Folk
Friend don't let friends die without Jesus!
Friends don't let friends boot OS/2tm.
Friends don't let friends drive imports.
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
Friends don't let friends eat pork.
Friends don't let friends line dance.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican
Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends let you hide at their place. Real friends let you hide bodies.
Fueled by Satan.
Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind
Fundamentalism stops a thinking mind
Fundies are Fundies. No matter if they quote the Lord or the Goddess.
Get a Life! (exclamation point is a cross)
Get a life? I'm a gamer! I have lots of lives!
Get a Past Life, Too
Get a second opinion, read Al-Quran.
Get a taste of Religion. Bite a Minister
Get a taste of religion. Lick a witch.
Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children
Get in - buckle up - shut up - and hold on!
Get in touch with Jesus at www.calm
Get off my ass before I start to like it!
Get off my tail or I'll flick boogers on your windsheild!
Get Right or get Left!
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
Get the hell out of my way. I'm late for church!
Get your own bumper sticker and stop staring at mine.
Getting a free kitten proves that you don't need money to get love.
Girls Kick Ass!
Girls Rule!
Give Blood, Play Hockey!
Give God what's right -- not what's left.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Give me that old-time religion!
Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.
Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading!
Go ahead, Honk! If I can hear you, you're in range.
Go fascinate someone Else.
Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
God's glory or bust!
God's true name is unpronounceable...because God is Welsh!
GOD-3,000BC; GODDESS-10,000BC; He was made in HER image
God Created Adam, saw the mistake!
God created Man. And Man, being the gentleman he is, returned the favor.
God created Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
God doesn't believe in atheists.
God doesn't support Road Rage!
God doesn't want shares of your life; He wants controlling interest!
God forgives... I don't.
God gave man 2 heads and only enough blood to use one.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God grant me patience. And I want it NOW!
God has a sense of humor... He made you didn't He?
GOD HAS MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.
God is alive - he's just unemployed.
God is alive and well,and working on a less ambitious project!
God is Coming AND IS SHE EVER PISSED!
God is coming... and is She pissed!
God is dead -- Nietzche ... Nietzche is dead. -- God.
God is here: She's cooking dinner for Jesus.
God Is Just Pretend!
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God is my CoPilot & He Can't Drive!
God Is my Copilot, but He can't drive either.
God is my favorite fictional character.
God is not a name. Itís a job description.
God is not dead -- just theism!
God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
God is real unless declared integer.
God is still on the throne!
God isn't dead, I just talked to Him this morning.
God isn't with you? Who moved??
God knows all the answers - and He's not telling!
God knows all the answers - and She's not telling!
God loves you just the way you are. But He loves you too much to leave you that way.
God loves you! And I'm really trying.
God makes miracles, but He doesn't clean cars.
God Must Love Dumb People, He Made SO Many Of Them
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
God please grant me chastity, but not just yet
God protect me from YOUR followers.
God pulled an all-nighter on the sixth day.
God save us from religies fanatics.
God spoke, and BANG! It happened!
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts!
God was downsized... we're on our own!
God was my co-pilot but we crashed into a mountian and I ate Him
God was my co-pilot. But we crashed in the Andes, and I had to eat him.
God, give me patience, but RIGHT NOW!
God, make the bad people good and the good people nice.
God, Protect Me From Your Followers.
Goddess in training!
Goddess is alive and magic is about!
Goddess on board!
GODISNOWHERE!
Good cowgirls keep their calves together.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Good planets are hard to find!
Gosh, Iím going to miss her.
Grad School - It's not just a job, it's an indenture!
Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank the Grandma!
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Gravity always gets me down.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
Great Goddess Great Horned God, Moon's Wink And Magic's Nod!
Griping about My cigarette smoking can be hazardous to YOUR health!
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
Grow your own dope! Plant a politician!
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
Guilt, Fear, Mass Insanity -3 chears for christianity!
Gun control is being able to hit your target.
Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control.
Guns didn't make America unsafe, Courts and Congress did!
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Guys have feelings too? Who cares...
Had a life. Traded it for a faster modem.
Had a rough week? We're open on Sundays.
Ham and eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Hands that help are better than lips that pray.
Hang up and drive!
Happiness can't buy money.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Happiness is a warm machinegun.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-lawís face on the back of a milk carton.
Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear-view mirror.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now!
Hard work never hurt anybody, but then I figured why take the risk.
Harm None, Do what you will.
Has Anyone Seen My Constitutional Rights?
Hatred is NOT a Family Value.
Have a crappy day
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
Have fun in bed with someone you love. Use your car for better things.
Have i found Jesus? don't tell me he is lost again!
Have you confused a Christian today?
Have You Hugged A Witch Today?
Having Abandoned My Search For Truth I Am Now Looking For A Good Fantasy
Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks.
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
Having truth decay? Brush up on your Bible!
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
He's YOUR God, They're YOUR rules, YOU go to Hell!
He's YOUR God. They're YOUR rules. YOU burn in Hell!
He who angers you, controls you!
He who dies with the most toys, wins!
He who hesitates IS LUNCH!
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
He who hesitates is probably right.
He who hesitates pisses off everyone behind him.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest!
Head sucks - really it does!
Heading in the wrong direction? God allows U-turns.
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends.
Heaven's for saved people... not good people!
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Heaven is a lonely place. Everybody thinks they're the only one going
Heaven is at your mother's feet. (Muslim bumper sticker)
Heaven won't take me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Heaven, not a place but a state of mind
Heavily medicated for your safety
Heck is a place for people who don't believe in gosh.
Hell's too hot; Heaven's full of religious people. That's supposed to be a choice?
Hell is like Florida: It's not the heat, it's the humidity
HELL: It's not the Heat, it's the Humidity
Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.
Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Help wanted: Telepath ... you know where to apply.
Help! I've tripped and I can't come down!
Help! I Farted and can't roll down my windows!
Hemp Hemp Hooray
Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
Hey jerk! You are driving a car, not a phone booth
HEY! CAN U SEE @Ņ@ (THIS)
Hire teenagers while they still know everything!
Hire the Handicapped... Were fun to watch!
Hit'em All! Let EMT's sort'em out.
Honesty pays, but not enough
Honk all you want. I'm deaf!
Honk Forty Times if you're Orthodox
Honk if anything falls off.
Honk if you're horny!
Honk if you're illiterate!
Honk if you're not wearing underwear!
Honk if you've betrayed Our Lord
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window!
Honk if you are God.
Honk if you ARE Jesus
Honk if you are just a honker.
Honk if You Don't Exist
Honk if you hate noise pollution.
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
Honk if you love Allah
Honk if you love cheeses.
Honk if you love God!
Honk if you love Isis
Honk if you love me.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you love Vishnu
Honk if you see something fall off.
Honk If you think I'm Jesus
Honk if you understand Punctuated Equilibrium.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger.
Honk yer horn fer Satan!
Horn broken - Watch for finger
Horn not working, Watch for hand signals
Hot Enough For You?
Hot Flash? No, power surge!
Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
How's my driving?.. Pray!
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How Dare you assume I'm a Christian!
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you confuse a wanker? 37
How do you pamper your parents? That depends.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
How long do I have to be a grad student before I can petition for tenure?
How many pinheads can dance on the head of a Hell's Angel?
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
How may I ignore you today?
How much deeper would the ocean be, if sponges didn't live there?
HUG A LOGGER - you'll never go back to trees.
Hug you kids at home and belt them in the car.
Hukt on fonix reely wurkt for mee!
Humpty Dumpty didn't fall...he was pushed.
Humpty was pushed!
I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrous.
I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter
I'd kick your ass but this is my best dress.
I'd rather be driving a golf ball
I'd rather be fishing
I'd rather be hunting
I'd rather be playing golf
I'd rather be skiing
I'll believe in reincarnation in my next life. Oh! Wait a sec... I'm born again!
I'll die for my own sins, thank you.
I'll do anything for money, except work.
I'll do it tomorrow, I've made enough mistakes today
I'll go to YOUR hell if you go to mine ;}
I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my ass.
I'm a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up.
I'm A Citizen, Not A Suspect
I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to meetings.
I'm a fool for Christ-- Who's fool are you?
I'm a giant midget.
I'm a handy man, I'll screw anything.
I'm a nice guy. My car is evil.
I'm a Woman, not a Womb!
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
I'm an imbecile and I vote!
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!
I'm back by popular demand.
I'm disturbed. I'm depressed. I'm inadequate. I've got it all!
I'm doing my part to piss off the Religious Reich
I'm from Texas. What country are you from?
I'm glad when I'm SKYCLAD
I'm going nuck'in futz.
I'm going to Hell in a bucket. At least I'm enjoying the ride.
I'm helping my Church grow.
I'm immortal, so far.
I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.
I'm looking for true love. But I'll settle for cheap sex.
I'm not a bitch, I'm the bitch.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I'm not a schizophrenic. And neither am I.
I'm not a slut! I'm popular.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
I'm not as think as you confused I am.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for a sex machine.
I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.
I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.
I'm not driving fast - Just flying low.
I'm not littering, I'm donating to the Earth!
I'm not losing hair, I'm getting head.
I'm not lost-I'm born again!
I'm not lost-Just getting my directions from the Bible!
I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am!
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm not playing with myself, I'm just adjusting my jewellery.
I'm not shy, I am just examining my prey.
I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying.
I'm not speeding. I'm just qualifying.
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it!
I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting!
I'm objective; I object to everything.
I'm on the road constantly, where the hell is Easy Street?
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people!
I'm only driving this because aliens ate my Volvo
I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun.
I'm Pagan & I vote!
I'm pretty sure God prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts.
I'm Pro Choice and I Vote!
I'm shy, but I have a big dick!
I'm storing up my treasure in heaven - just look at my car
I'm sweating like a pedophile in a playground.
I'm talking to myself - please don't eavesdrop!
I'm the Christian satan is worried about!
I'm the Christian the devil warned you about
I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.
I'm the one Jesus warned you about. -- Muhammad.
I'm Too Poor to Vote Republican
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I just can't get my head that far up my ass.
I've found Jesus! He was behind the couch the whole time.
I've given up bowling for sex because you don't have to take your shoes off and the balls are lighter.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
I've Got Nothing Against God... It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand
I've lost my virginity but I've still got the box it came in.
I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead.
I've seen her wrestle, now I'm gonna see her box.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator; never got around to it.
I am a mallaholic. Please do not give me directions to the nearest shopping mall!
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect... Therefore I am perfect.
I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada.
I am an escapee of a political correction facility.
I am driving this way because I want to PISS YOU OFF!
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts!
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
I am not a bum. My wife works!
I am not riding in this thing until you learn how to drive, it's dangerous.- Ganeshah
I am not unemployed, I am a consultant!
I am perfectly sane. The little voices in my head told me so!
I am suffering from a Sexually Transmitted Disease: Children!
I am the bad thing that happens to good people.
I believe in dragons, good men and other mythological creatures
I Believe in Dragons, Good Men, and other Fantasy Creatures.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
I believe in God,I choose to call her Mother Nature.
I Believe In Life Before Death
I believe in the big bang theory, God spoke and bang it happened
I believe in the teachings of the Bible -- It's a lot easier than actually reading the thing.
I believe in unicorns, dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures
I brake for animals - I accelerate for small children.
I Brake For Celestial Choirs
I brake for fairys, elves, gnomes, the toothfairy, the easter bunny, santa and other little creatures that only I can see
I brake for green lights.
I brake for hallucinations.
I Brake For Moloch!
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
I brake for tailgaters. Hard.
I brake for unicorns, fairies and other creatures only I can see!
I brake forÖ waitÖ AAAH!Ö NO BRAKES!!!
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
I came, I Saw, I did some shopping.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
I can't wait for the rapture, then we'll have the world to ourselves.
I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I can hold my own. But I'd rather hold yours!
I can remember when fire fighting was dangerous and sex was safe.
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can tell your parents are close. I'm guessing second cousins.
I can walk on water... when it freezes
I Cayman went.
I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
I decided to get in shape, and the shape I chose was a sphere.
I did not escape, I have a day pass!
I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. The sheep are lying!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I died and went to heaven and all I got was this lousy Halo.
I do it with runes!
I do listen to your prayers, I'm just not interested in the game -- God
I do not have any messianic delusions. At least, that's what God told me
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to!
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't believe in gnomes - they are liars!
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them!
I don't brake.
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.
I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.
I don't care, I don't have to.
I don't deserve self esteem
I don't discriminate. I hate everyone equally.
I don't do drugs anymore. I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
I Don't Do Windows.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
I don't give a damn what your other car is!
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I don't know anything Lord, leave me alone.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
I don't mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public
I don't need a new religion. I haven't used up the Old one.
I don't repeat gossip, so listen closely the first time.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
I don't trust President Clinton (or her husband).
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work - I want to achieve it by not dying.
I don't want to believe; I want to see! -- Carl Sagan
I don't come with dices, so dont play me!
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I drink from Cerridwen's Cauldron
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
I drive like lightning. I hit trees.
I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it, call a cop!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I fart to make you smell better.
I feel like a new man. Do you have one I could use?
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I feel so much better since I've given up hope.
I fight poverty, I work
I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it
I fish! Therefore, I lie.
I found God in myself, and I loved her, I loved her fiercly.
I found Jesus in my trunk...$5 to see him!
I found Jesus! He was behind the couch the whole time!
I found Jesus! He was hiding behind the couch.
I found Jesus. He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana.
I found out why those 40 virgins stay virgins. - Mohammed.
I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life
I gave you a brain. Use it.-- God
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I get plenty of exercise just pushing my luck!
I Give Evolution Two Opposeable Thumbs Up.
I go from zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I got kicked outta Scouts for eating a Brownie.
I got out of bed for this?
I got this motor home for my wife. BEST deal I ever made!
I got this truck for my wife / good trade huh!
I had a good wife once. Then she went home to her husband.
I had no idea when I married Mr. Right that his first name would be "always"
I Hate Bumperstickers
I hate coffee. It keeps me awake at work.
I hate intolerance.
I hate plants.. That's why I became a vegetarian!
I have a drink problem - I can't afford it.
I have a handgun and it's licensed. Any more questions?
I have a nice body, and its in my trunk.
I have a problem with drinkingótwo hands and only one mouth.
I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?
I have PMS and a gun...excuse me, did you have something to say?
I Have PMS And A Sword--Any Questions?
I have PMS. Therefore I can legally kill you.
I have read the Bible--still don't believe it
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense!
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha!
I have yet to hear a MAN ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister
I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you.
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
I inhaled and I vote
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I is a college student.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
I know GOD would never give me any more than I can handle -- I just wish He didn't trust me so much!
I know milk does a body good, but damn, how much did you drink?
I know that you have a thing for me, but why is it so small and deformed?
I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I LIKE CATS! They taste just like chicken.
I like kids, but I can never finish a whole one.
I like your approach, let's see your departure
I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
I live in my own little world, but that's okay. Everybody knows me here.
I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in.
I love animals- they taste great.
I love animals. Especially in a good gravy!
I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
I love animals. They taste great!
I LOVE CATS. They taste just like chicken.
I love cats. Want to trade recipes?
I love defenceless animals, especially in gravy
I love kids, but I can't eat a whole one
I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed
I love my country, but fear BIG Government.
I love my country, but I fear my government
I love my country. It's my government I fear.
I love my country. It's the government I'm afraid of.
I love my country. It's the government that pisses me off.
I love you -- God
I love you and you and you and you and...-- God
I married my wife for her looks... But not the ones she's been giving me lately!
I may be fat but youíre ugly, and I can lose weight.
I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!
I may look funny, but I'd kick your ass on Jeopardy.
I might be driving slowly, but I'm still in front of you.
I need a bigger bumper for all the stickers I want
I need a little less talk and a lot more action.
I need patience. NOW!
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I never saw an American Flag burned at a gun show!
I only LOOK sweet and innocent
I owe it all to my boss - Ulcers, nausea, paranoia...
I pee in pools!
I read the bible...thats why im an atheist
I read the end of the book. We win
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
I said for better or for worse, not forever!
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?
I saw Elvis making crop circles
I SAW that -- God
I scored points for Death Race 2000.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
I snatch kisses and vice versa.
I souport publik edekasion.
I spade my dog!
I Speak To God And I Know What's Best For You
I speed for school zones.
I started with nothing, and I still have most of it left!
I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.
I still miss my wife, but my aim is improving!
I suffer from c.r.s. (can't remember shit)
I suffer from premature-ejaculation when masturbating!
I swerve for cats.
I Swerve to Hit People at Random!
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
I think therefore I'm dangerous
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
I think, therefore I'm dangerous.
I think, therefore I'm single.
I think, therefore we have nothing in common.
I tolerate all religions, except any that are different from mine.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried self-restraint, once, but I couldn't close the fourth handcuff.
I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I try to make sacrifices, but the goat got away and I couldn't find a virgin anywhere!
I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to be religious, then I got saved!
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I used to have schizophrenia, but we're better now.
I used to live in the real world. I got evicted.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I want my rib back!
I want to be Barbie! The bitch has everything!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
I was abducted by space aliens and I vote!
I was abducted by aliens and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
I wasn't created in YOUR image of God
I will finish what I sta
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
Iím not born again, my mother got it right the first time.
Iím out of bed and dressed ó what more do you want?
I'd be a presbeberian if I could spell it.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a man's best friend is his dog, don't give him your phone number!
If a man's home is his castle, he can learn to clean it!
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
If all else fails .. lower your standards
If all the world's a stage, I want better lighting!
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
If at first you don't succeed, aim lower.
If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?
If Darwin is right, you'll be a monkey's uncle!
If Democrats and Republicans could read they would be Libertarians.
If everything is coming your way, youíre in the wrong lane!
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If first you don't succeed, suck and suck until you do succeed.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If God always was and always will be, why weren't we born 100 years ago?
if God be for us who can be against us
If god created man in his image. Then whats wrong with you?
If God Created Man in his own picture, I really think, I prefer Satan
If God didn't want people to have sex, They wouldn't have made it so much fun.
If God doesn't like something about me, let him tell me, not you.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
If God is all-powerful, then why doesn't the alphabet begin with the letter 'G'?
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
If God is your piolt why are you driving?
If guns are outlawed, can I still use my sword?
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children.
If guns cause crime, matches cause arson!
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!
If I ever want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you?
If I wanted a bitch.....I would have bought a DOG!!!
If I would like to hear from an asshole, Iíd fart!
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
If ignorance is bliss, Washington must be paradise!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If it's too loud, you're too old.
If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?
If it has boobs or wheels it will give you a problem.
If it has tires or testicles, it's going to be trouble.
If it has wheels or a skirt, you can't afford it.
If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.
If it isn't fattening, it isn't food!
If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
If it wasn't for plumbers, you'd have no place to go.
If itís not one thing, itís your mother.
If its not a baby-- you're not pregnant!
If Jesus restored the power of speech to a parrot, would it still be considered a miracle?
If Jimmy cracks corn but nobody cares, why does he still do it?
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade! If it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If love of money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
If men are from Mars, then why can't we send them back?
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament!
If men could get pregnant, nobody would have ever THOUGHT of abortion.
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
If money could talk, it would say goodbye!
If morons could fly, this place would be an airport.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If only closed minds, came with closed mouths.
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it WRONG!
If Sex is like Chocolate, let gets drunk and make Cocoa!
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If the French were on your side, how would you know ?
If the host is the body of Christ, is it OK to add a little A-1 Sauce?
If the kid is an honor student, he must not really be yours.
If the music is too loud, you're too old.
If the van's a' rockin, don't come a' knockin
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If the world is going to end at midnight 2000, which time zone will God use?
If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If they can send a man to the moon why can't they send them all?
If they donít have chocolate in heaven, I AINíT GOING!
If this car is being driven courteously it's been stolen.
If this car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it
If this truck was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If we can put a man on the moon, why not all of them?
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If You're Born Again Do You Have 2 Belly Buttons?
If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
If you're happy and you know it, see a shrink.
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right
If you're looking for a sign from God to get back to church, this is it!
If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention
If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes
If you're rich, I'm single!
If You Are Against Abortion Get A Vasectomy.
If you are psychic, think "HONK"
If you aren't allowed to laugh in heaven, then I don't want to go there
If you ask God if He exists and He says NO, should you believe Him?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
If you can't see my mirrors, it means I've hit another cyclist.
If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?
If you can read this I'm not going fast enough.
If you can read this, I've lost my boat.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
If you can read this, I am heartfully sorry.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
If you can read this, thank your teacher.
If you can read this, thereís someone in front of me.
If you can read this, you are in phaser range.
If you can read this, you are inquisitive.
If you can read this, you are too close!
If you can read this, you weren't raptured.
If you can read this:- you are too damn close.
If you do not feel close to God, Guess who moved?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
If you don't like abortion, don't have one.
If You Don't Like How I Drive, Kiss My Nether Regions
If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own!
If you don't like the way I'm driving, You come and get these handcuffs off!
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again
If you don't stop using my name in vain, I'll make the traffic jam longer! --- God
If you donít think every day is a good day, just try missing one.
If you drink like a fish - swim, don't drive
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you enjoy your freedom, Thank a Vet!
If you get any closer, you'd better have a condom
If you haven't gotten to where you are going, you aren't there yet.
If you hold a Unix shell up to your ear, can you hear the C?
If you keep on cursing I'll just prolong the traffic.-- God
If you like my bumper, you'd love my headlights.
If you listen carefully on a quiet night, you can hear the sound of Chevys rusting in the distance.
If you lived in the 7th ring, you'd be home by now.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now!
If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi!
If you pray, why worry?
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you talk to God, it's prayer. If God talks to you, it's schizophrenia.
If you think "Our Father In Heaven" is angry, wait 'till MOM finds out!
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!
If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt.
If you think it is hot here.....think of what Hell is like!
If you think life is bad, wait 'til you get to Hell!
If you think our Father in heaven is mad, just wait until Mom finds out!
If you think the system is working, just ask someone who isn't.
If you think this car is dirty, then you should spend a night with the driver!
If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
If you try to get my gun, don't expect to get my trust
If you want a country run by religion, move to Iran.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him what YOUR plans are...
If you want world peace, fight for justice.
If you were made in God's image, how did you get to be so ugly?
If your bumper sticker wasnít so damned small, I wouldnít have to drive so close to read it!
If your life is rusty... Your bible is dusty!
If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
If, a two letter word for futility.
Ignore the propaganda. Focus on what you see.
Ignore your rights and they'll go away!
Illiterate? Write for our free brochure.
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...
Impeach Clinton. And her husband.
Impeach the President... and Fire Bill, too.
Imports are like tampons, every pussy has one!
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings."
In a few years I'll be tall enough to see over the wheel.
In a world full of caterpillars, it takes balls to be a butterfly.
In case of rapture, can I have your car?
In case of rapture, have a designated sinner
In case of rapture, the car's yours.
In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.
In God we trust, as long as we have the money it's printed on.
In Goddess we trust
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
In Perfect Love & Perfect Trust
In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal.
In space, your cat can't hear you open the can
In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes.
In the Dark? Follow the SON.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma -- But never let him be.
Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold, please?
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Infertility is inconceivable.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
Information Superhighway Official Roadkill!
Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding.
Instant idiot. Just add alcohol.
Interbeing- not just for bodhisattvas anymore.
Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!
Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it OK to use YHWH as a Scrabble word, and if so, do you get the extra 50 points?
Is it too late to get the Russians to nuke Washington?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
Is there a special God whistle only - He - can hear?
Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
Is there life before coffee?
Is what you're living for, worth dying for?
Isis Astarte Diana Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna
Isis, Isis, Ra Ra Ra
Israel is the land of milk and honey. Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
It's a control freak thing. I won't let you understand!
It's a dog eat dog world... And I'm wearing milkbone underwear!
IT'S A GIRL! (Nativity Scene)
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just hilarious.
It's an Honor to teach my Student at home
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It's bad enough driving sober. Don't drive drunk
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's been Monday all week.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It's FREEDOM OF religion, stupid (Pentacle)
It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It's our job to arrange the meeting.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
It's hard to Soar with Dragons when you Work with Gargoyles
It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
It's In To Be Out
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
It's men like you that make women gay.
It's not a choice, it's a child.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
It's not my fault I'm the only one in the world who knows how to drive correctly.
It's not who you sleep with... It's who keeps you awake!
It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!
It's worse than you think and they ARE out to get you!
It's your Hell, You Burn In It.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish. -- Mother Teresa
It is as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It looks to me like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks.
It may be a small world, but I'd sure hate to paint it.
It never fails! You start having fun, and they send in the lawyers.
It only seems kinky the first time.
It sucks to be a man in a lesbians body.
It takes a Viking to Raze a Village
It wasn't for ALL of us that Jesus died; but it Was for EACH of us.
It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark
Itís no longer fruitful to multiply.
Itís YOUR hell. YOU burn in it.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician!
Jesus Christ said, íI came not to bring peace, but a sword.
JESUS CHRIST. He loves the hell out of you!
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!
Jesus died for us and lived to tell about it!
Jesus died to take away your sins, not your mind.
Jesus has a mullet!
Jesus is coming - Everyone look busy!
Jesus is coming and you're wearing THAT?!
Jesus is coming, Look Busy!
Jesus is coming... are you ready to meet him?
Jesus is my shepherd, Toto is my poodle.
Jesus is not a Republican.
Jesus is returning... resistance is futile
Jesus is the answer, but I forgot the question.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Jesus just left the building!
Jesus Just Left!
Jesus loves bikers too!
Jesus loves me, but can't stand you.
Jesus loves me, don't tell my husband.
Jesus loves the Hell out of you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot!
Jesus loves you, but Iím his favorite.
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an @$$hole
Jesus loves you, just not in that way.
Jesus Loves You... But I'm His Favorite.
Jesus loves you... Everyone else hates your guts!
Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.
Jesus paid for our sins. Now letís get our moneyís worth!
Jesus rules... Do you live by them?
Jesus Saves by shopping wisely and using double coupons.
Jesus Saves Sinners: And Redeems them for Valuable Prizes!!
Jesus saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha gives Dividends
Jesus saves. I don't.
Jesus saves... But not on my salary!
JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!
Jesus saves; Buddha recycles.
Jesus to his followers upon his return: "You did WHAT in my name?!
Jesus told you to wash your car?
Jesus was a Liberal!
Jesus was not a Bigot!
Jesus, don't leave earth without him.
Jesus, if your followers are going to heaven then I'd rather go to Hell.
Jesus, protect me from your followers!
Jesus, save me from those who worship you.
Jezebel was a feminist! No wonder she got such a bad rap.
Joan of Arc heard voices too!
Joe's morgue: You kill'em, we chill'em!
Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and shoot them!
Join the Army. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them.
Judge not so that you may not be judged.
Judgement Day Happens.
Judging by the pictures, Hell looks better than that other place.
Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Just bring me the coffee and nobody will get hurt.
Just say NO to sex with pro-lifers.
Just when I was getting use to yesterday along came today.
Just when you think lifes a bitch, it has puppies.
Just when you think you've won the Rat Race, along come faster Rats.
KALI: A necessary evil
Karl Marx was wrong! Religion is the opium of the ASSES!
Karmically challenged.
Keep granny off the streets, support bingo.
Keep honking - I'm deaf!
Keep honking - I'm reloading.
Keep honking while I reload.
Keep Off my Tail! (Picture of Dragon)
Keep working, millions on welfare depend on you.
Keep your Butt in the your car. The earth is not your ashtray.
Keep your laws off my body.
Keep your rosaries off my ovaries
Keys in ignition, car left unlocked, purse left on dashboard. Rottweiler on the back seat.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Kill 'em all. Let God sort it out.
King Midas' dog--did everything he touch turn into a golden retriever?
Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.
Klingon Empire Survey Vehicle
Know God, know life...no God, no life
Know Sin. No God. Know God. No Sin.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you - Snore and you sleep alone.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
LAWYER: A cat settling a dispute between 2 mice.
Lawyers Have Feelings Too! (allegedly)
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
Lead me not into temptation. I know my own way.
Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control!
Leave Earth Now - Ask Me How
Legalizing Concealed Weapons would be just fine if stupidity was outlawed.
Let's get drunk and wreck.
Let's let the anti-gun people fight the next war.
Let Go and Let God in!
Let him who is without aim cast the first stone.
Liberals want misery spread equally.
Libertarian, it's cheaper than TAXES.
Liberty is not Free!
Licensed Broom Pilot!
Life's a beach - and we're just surfing time!
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Life's a bitch, and then you die!
Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.
Life's too short to hunt with an ugly dog.
Life is a Banquet... So EAT ME!
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Life is a Witch, and then you fly
Life is just like a straw - it SUCKS.
Life is like a box of chocolates .. full of nuts!
Life is sexually transmitted.
Life is short, pray hard
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
Life is too complicated in the morning.
Life stinks, and then you reincarnate
Life would be so much easier if we just had the source code.
Lifeís too short to dance with ugly men.
Lifeís too short to dance with ugly women.
Like to travel? Enjoy sex? Take a f*cking hike.
LILITH WOULDN'T SUBMIT, God always had a problem with that
Line dancing. See what happens when cousins breed?
Listen to Limbaugh? No thanks, my parents weren't related
Live fast, die young. Leave a good looking corpse.
Live like James Bond, die like James Dean.
Live simply... So I can have the stuff you don't use!
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Long live my car 4 it takes me where I need 2 go.
Look at the Bright Side -- This Sure Beats Working at Burger King!
Look Ma! The ranks of the heathen are growing!
Lord give me patience... But Hurry!
Lord save me from your followers!
Lord, I wish to find you, but spare me from those who have!
Lord, please protect me from your followers.
Lord, save me from Jesus.
Lord, Save you from your disciples.
Lost your cat? Look under my tires.
Lost your cat?! Try looking under my tires.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Loud wives loose lives!
Love Heals
Love is a 4-letter word.
Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
Love is free. It's diapers that are expensive
Love is no game for the weak
Love is not FINDING the right person, it's BEING the right person
Love That Loki.
Love thine enemies... It really pisses them off.
Love thy neighbor, but don't brag about it!
Love, peace, and fat free chocolate... Now thats heaven.
LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
Loved the wedding. Invite me to the marriage. -- God.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
MAGIC HAPPENS!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Make love - not jihad!
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
Make the world a better place. Kill a bigot.
Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
Man created God in Mans picture.
Mankind is the result of millions of years of evolution desidned to produce a better Cat Servant.
Marijuana aint against my religion. People in the bible got stoned for everything.
Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
Marilize legajuana.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Marx: Religion Is The Opium Of The People. Religion: Marx Was An Alcoholic.
Mary had a little lamb and he died for his flock.
Mary is pregnant again... and the world still isn't ready.
May the baby Jesus close your mouth and open your mind.
May the forest be with you.
May the forest bewitch you.
Mean People Suck, Nice People Swallow.
Mean people suck.
Meeting - an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Members Only, Trespassers will be Baptised!
Men are idiots and I married their king.
Men are not pigs. Pigs are sweet, intelligent, sensitive, clean animals.
Men are pigs
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Men aren't pigs...pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
Men exist because cats won't mow the lawn. Women exist because sheep can't cook. Neither of these things explain children.
Men have feelings too, but who really cares?
Men. Give them an inch and they think they're a ruler.
Merry Christ Myth!
Merry Meet & Merry Part and Merry Meet Again!
Metaphors be with you.
Militant Agnostic. I don't know, and you don't either!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
Minds are like parachutes, they function when open.
Miskatonic Summer Games - Fastest food in Arkham
Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog!
Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.
Mmmm. I smell a t-bone ahead.
Modified Rapture?
Mom's Travel Agency ó Ask about our guilt trips.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Money can't buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
Money isn't everything. It simply isn't enough!
MONEY TALKS! But all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some.
Montana - At least our cows are sane!
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
Most men would respect a woman's mind more if it bounced gently as she walked.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
Mumble, mumble, mumble Ö POOF!
Murphy was an optimist!
My boss is a Jewish Carpenter.
My car does all the driving. I just sit in here.
My cat dislikes the term PET. It prefers FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE.
My child was inmate of the month!
My Co-Pilot IS God!
My computer doesn't understand me!
My computer goes down on anybody.
My convictions are not for public display.
My dad is a fairy. (No he ISN'T gay!)
My Daddy says condoms don't work!
My daughter turned down your honor student!
My dog can lick anyone.
My dog is really a tiny dragon.
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
My ex gave me a reason to live: I want Revenge!
My girlfriend only has one breast so I got her a part-time job at Hooters.
My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate, so I got two more girlfriends.
My God's Is Always Horny
MY GOD'S NOT DEAD. SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOURS
My God = My Judge; Butt Out!
My God is alive - sorry about yours.
My God is bigger than your god.
My Goddess gave birth to your God.
My Goddess Is Your Godís Mother!
My Governor can beat up your Governor.
My grandfather sodomized your honor student.
My heart is on the rock my name is on the roll
My heros have always killed cowboys!
My Hockey Mom can beat up your Soccer Mom!
My honor student can drink yours under the table!
My honor student sells the best dope!
My husband said he'd leave me if I didn't stop reading mysteries all the time... I'll sure miss him!
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
My job drives me to drink. If it wasn't for that, I'D QUIT!
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
My Job is to Comfort the Disturbed & Disturb the Comfortable
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
My karma ran over my dogma.
My karma ran over your dogma!
My kid and your taxes go to Starfleet Academy
My kid beat up your honor student.
My kid can beat up your honor student!
My kid got your honor student pregnant!
My kid had sex with your honor student!
My kid knocked up your honor student.
My kid saved your honor student -- God.
My kid sells term papers to your honor student.
My kid sold your honor student all of the answers to the tests!
My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail!
My Lawyer can beat your Lawyer!
My life goal is to piss off brahma so much that I wont need another life goal!
My life may be weird, but at least it's not boring!
My mind is not for sale or rent to any god or government.
My mother is a Goddess.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
My other car bumper sticker is funny.
My other car is a beater!
My other car is a broom
My Other Car Is a Chariot
My Other Car Is a Pitchfork
My other car is a Porsche
My other car is a space ship
My other car is a Zamboni.
My other car is also a piece of junk
My other car was a bicycle last time.
My other car!
My other ride is your boyfriend.
My other ride is your girlfriend.
My other ride is your mom.
My other vehicle is a broom stick!
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
My Other Vehicle is the Mahayana
My other vehicle was assimilated by the Borg!
My other wife is beautiful!
My parents think I'm in college
My reality check bounced!
My sexual preference is: Often
My ship finally came in, but it was the Kobayashi Maru!
My way is the highway -- God
My wife's other car is a broom stick!
My wife's other car is a broom.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh I will miss her.
Mystery readers are never clueless (after chapter one)
National Atheist's Day April 1
Naturians, Nerture Nature!
Necrophilia is dead.
Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
Need directions? -- God
Need help? -- God
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to your level and beat you with experience.
Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly.
Never ever say "Here, kitty, kitty" to a Kzin
Never fight ugly peopleóthey have nothing to loose.
Never give the devil a ride -- He will always want to drive.
Never give the devil a ride -- He will want to drive.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
Never play leap frog with a Unicorn.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether!
Never shoot to kill. Always shoot to live.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Never trust a government that doesn't trust YOU!
Never trust a naked lawyer.
Never trust a religion that calls its members 'sheep'.
Never trust a smiling GM!
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups!
New! Divorce Barbie. Barbie doll with all of Ken's accessories.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes. Keep safe distance
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger please.
Next year, why not vacation in the millions of worlds of a used book store?
Nice front bumper you've got there. Shame if something happened to it...
Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed!
Nice little planet you've got here. Shame if something happened to it.
Nietzsche is dead. -- God
Nietzsche: God Is Dead -- God: Nietzsche Is Dead -- Satan: Everybodys' Gonna Die.
Nine out of ten men who have tried camels prefer women.
Ninety-eight percent of all Fords are still on the road. The other two percent made it home.
No coffee, no peace. Know coffee, know peace.
No fat bitches, or my shit will scrape!
No God, No Hope - Know God, Know Hope.
No government is better than NO GOVERNMENT!
No Jesus, No Peace - Know Jesus, Know Peace.
No Jesus. No salvation - Know Jesus. Know salvation.
No job too easy - No fee too large - Dragons Rescued - Virgins Slain
No matter where you go, you're there.
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No one is free when others are oppressed.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
No radio. Already stolen.
No thanks. I gave at the orifice.
No use telling ME to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
Nobody cares how you do it up north.
Nobody is ugly after 2am!
Nonconformists are all alike.
Nonconformists of the world unite!
Normal is a setting on my washing machine.
Normal people worry me
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Not all men are fools. Some are single.
Not all who wander are lost
Not all women are fools. Some are single.
Not tonight dear, I have a modem.
Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it
Nothing political is correct.
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
Nothing to lose!
Now that I've cooked the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
Now that you're after me, wanna get married?
Nuke a godless, communist, gay baby seal for Christ.
Nuke the unborn baby whales.
Nuke the Whales.
Nuke their ass, take their gas!
Objects in mirror may have flunked driver education.
Obsession is the word lazy people give to those of us who are motivated.
Odin's Child!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
Oh my God, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry!
Oh sure. But what's the speed of dark?
Oh, no! I turned out just like my mother!
OK, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Old skiers never die ó They just go downhill.
Old truckers never die. They just get a new Peterbilt.
Old upholsterers never die. They always recover.
Omnipotent Omniscient Omnibenevolent - Pick two.
On fire for God!(Anybody got some water?!)
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Once Upon A Time God Was A Woman!
Once you pull the pin from Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend.
One abortion - two casulties... one dead, one wounded
One by one, the penguins slowly steal my sanity.
One Nation Under-Educated
One World = One God
Only BIG BABIES are pro-choice!
Only God is in a position to look down on people.
Only Jesus saves - we just make back-ups.
Only lawyers get to be judges, and that's the (F)LAW!
Only One Way To Heaven. Crash Through The Gates Gas Pedal To The Floor.
Only sheep need a shepherd.
Open your heart, Jesus wants in.
Ordain women or stop baptizing them.
Organized Religion gave us the Dark Ages!
Orgasm Donor!
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
Our God is an AWESOME GOD!!!
Out of Body, be back in five
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Out of the Broom Closet.
Pagan and Proud!
Pagans make better lovers.
Pagans make the best of friends, they worship the ground you walk upon.
Pan Pipes, Pan Plays, Pan's Delight
Panic now and avoid the rush.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Pass with care. I chew tobacco.
Pavlov: Name ring a bell?
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Peace be upon your Savior.
Pee for enjoyment, not for employment.
Penny for your thoughts. Twenty to act them out.
People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.
People who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
Perfect people never improve.
Perfectly Pagan!
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
Pierced and Tattooed in Places You'd Love To Lick!
Piercing, schmiercing: I'm holding out for amputation.
Pissing off the world one person at a time
Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Please be patient. God's not through with me yet
Please do not honk. Driver trying to sleep.
Please don't honk - Driver may go Postal if awakened
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
Plunder globally. Manage media locally.
Police Station Toilet Stolen... Cops have nothing to go on.
Politically incorrect and proud of it!
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants.
Poo-Poo happens.
Power Corrupts - Isn't that what it's for?
Power corrupts, and absolute power is kinda neat.
Power on, Magic on, All systems are go, We have lift out!
Powered by broom fuel.
Practice random and senseless acts.
practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
Practice Safe Housing - Use Condos!
Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.
Practicing Rampant Nonjudgementalism!
Pray for the end of 5 o'clock traffic!
Pray for the success of atheism!
Pray is a four letter word you can use anywhere except in public schools!
Pray, let the SON in - Smile and let him OUT!
Prayer, Just Do It!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
Presidents should be planned and wanted. ABORT CLINTON!
Prevent death on the road. Drive on the pavement.
Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.
Prevent truth decay, read the Bible!
Previous owner had an honor student!
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Pro-choice? That's a LIE! Babies never choose to die!
Pro-Free Speech. Pro-Gun. Pro-Choice. PRO-FREEDOM!
Pro-Woman, Pro-Child, Pro-Life!
Procrastinate Later!
Procrastinators Unite... Tomorrow!
Professionals are predictable. Amateurs are Dangerous!
Profit from the Prophet!
Prone to random acts of senseless reckless endangerment.
Proofread carefully, to see if you any words out.
Property of Satan!
Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3.
Protected by Angels!
Protected by Witchcraft!
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy
Proud parent of the inmate of the month at the Chino corectional facilities.
Proud to be a Democrat!
Proud to be a Republican!
Proud to be American.
Proudly marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Put politicians in their place - Landfills!
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Question Authority before it Questions You!
Quiet! Genius at work.
Quit Picking On Me!
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Raising children is like getting pecked to death by a chicken!
Rapture-- the only way to fly!
RAPTURE THIS!
Re-elect Bush: I'm tired of waiting for the Apocalypse.
Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.
Read the book I gave you, there will be a test -- God
Read your Bible. There WILL be a pop quiz.....
Real feminists don't kill baby feminists
Real men keep promises, I do
Real Men Love JESUS!
Real Men love Jesus. He looks fantastic in a miniskirt!
Real Psychics don't have 1-900 numbers. They call you... collect!
REAL SCOTSMEN WEAR KILTS because sheep can hear a zipper at 500 yards!
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges!
Real women drive trucks.
Reality bites, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol.
Reality is for people with no imagination
Reality is the Anchovy on the Pizza of Life
Reality is the Hairball in the Catnap of Life
Reality is the leading cause of stress
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
Really want to eat my bumper for dessert?... My brakes will help you!
Rebel PRIDE!
Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is!
Regular or extra-crispy: How will you spend eternity?
Rehab is for quitters.
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
Reincarnation: Been that, done there.
Rejoice! Your Mom was not PRO-CHOICE.God doesn't believe in Atheists
Religion is for those who fear hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there.
Religions are cults with more members.
Religions are just large Cults!
Religions are like cults- just more people
Religious freedom means ANY religion!
Religious groups should stay out of politics; or be taxed
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Remember Lot's wife
Remember my name ó you'll be screaming it later.
Remember September 11 Forever!
Remember when conservatives protected privacy and freedom?
Remember when sex was safe and motorcycles were not!
Remember when Windows were washed, mice were trapped, and UNIX guarded the harem?
Repeal Inhibition!
Rest assured that all your hard work and effort will go unnoticed.
Resurection? Been there, done that. Can you say "Isis and Osiris"?
Reunite Gondwanaland.
Righteousness, the unforgivable sin.
Roman Catholic and loving it!
Romance is like a game of chess: one false move and you're mated.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Sacred cows make divine hamburgers.
Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
Safe sex is in the palm of your hand
Sanity is a state of mind ...but the taxes are so high, I had to move away.
Satan for President - Why pick the lesser of two Evils?
Saturday has a morning?
Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian.
Save a horse...ride a cowboy
Save a human, eat a cannibal
Save a man from drowning. Take your foot off his head.
Save California! When you leave take someone with you.
Save the Dolphins. What did the cows do wrong?
Save the humans!
Save the planet! Kill yourself!
Save the ugly animals too!
Save the whales! Collect the whole set.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Save trees! Eat more beavers.
Save trees. Wipe with an owl.
Save Your Breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
SAVED@THECROSS.COM
Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
Say it with flowers! Give her a triffid!
Science is my god.
Seek God in good times... not just in bad times.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Semite: God talks to me.
September 12: Sell your SUV day!
Serial Killer.
Seven days without prayer makes one weak!
Sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good!
Sex is like rain. It all depends on how many inches you get.
Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.
Sex without partners ó charter member.
Shake your a** for Jesus!
She changes everything she touches!
Shit happens!
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Silly Fundie, myths are for kids.
Since Jesus' blood was wine, does that mean He was always drunk?
Skin Bin!
Skydiving ó good to the last drop.
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee!
Smile - things may get worse more slowly.
Smile and the world audits your taxes.
Smile, Cthulhu Loathes You!
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smile, it confuses people!
Smith & Wesson ó the original point and click interface.
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
Smoking Cures Ham!
Smoking is like sex-- It should always be between consenting adults in private.
Smuck Fog!
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Snowmobiles: Natural selection at its finest.
So many cats. So few recipes.
So many christians - so few lions!
So many idiots - so few comets.
So many lawyers, so few bullets.
So many men, so few who can afford me!
So many men, so little reason to sleep with any of them!
So many pedestrians. So little time!
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute!
So you're a feminist... Isn't THAT precious?
So, when's the wizard going to get back to you about that brain?
Some call it stalking, I call it love.
Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps
Some days you're the Dog, and some days you're the Hydrant!
Some days, the most interesting thing on the TV is a sleeping cat!
Some mornings I just don't feel like slaying dragons.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Some push the envelope, some just lick it, and some can't find the flap!
Some things must be believed before they can be seen!
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.
Something Wiccan this way comes.
Sometimes I think people are the sperm of the devil.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.
Sometimes you're the bug and sometimes you're the windshield.
Sometimes you're the dog and sometimes you're the hydrant.
Sorry I missed Church, I've been studying WitchCraft and becoming a Lesbian.
Sorry I missed church, I was busy practicing witchcraft
Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!
Sorry my car's a piece of crap, my parents didn't buy it for me.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Speak to the Earth and it shall teach thee -- Job 12:8 King James Bible
Speed kills. Drive a Chevy and live forever!
Spike Lee and Charleton Heston for President.
Spiritual people inspire me - Religious people frighten me.
Stalker. Makes frequent stops.
Stamp out crime ó abolish the IRS.
Stamp out global whining.
Steven King WISHES he wrote something as scarey as the Bible!
STOP - Squeal tires on pavement.
Stop animal experimentation. Use lawyers.
Stop looking for the right person, BE the right person!
Stop reading this bumper sticker and watch the road!!!
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Stop signs with the white borders are optional.
Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas.
Stop Using Jesus as an Excuse for Being a Narrow-Minded Bigoted Asshole!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Study art and logic. Learn to draw your own conclusions!
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Stupidity should be Painful!
Subvert the Dominant Paradigm.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
Suicidal Psychopath.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.
Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me, I quit!"
Summa cum laude graduate, Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
Support a lawyer. Become a doctor.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today!
Support D.A.M. Mothers Against Dyslexia.
Support Faith Based Missle Defense Systems.
Support our troops!
Support Search & Rescue - Get lost!
Support the Math Illiteracy Tax - Buy Lottery Tickets.
Support the right to arm bears!
Support the Theory of Evolution. 400 Billion Amphibians Can't be Wrong!
Support wildlife, throw a party!
Support your local undertaker ó drop dead.
Support your State Troopers. Drive really Fast.
Sure I know Jack Shit, I married him!
Sure you can have my gun: Bullets first!
Sure you can trust the government. Just ask an Indian!
SUV: Super Unpatriotic Vehicle.
Take a friend to Heaven!
Take back the Night.
Take matters into your own hands, Pray!
Take your ex out tonight. One bullet ought to do it!
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Talk is Cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Teach. Donít Preach.
Techno-Pagan. I worship the holy Mother Board.
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
Telepath wanted. You know where to apply.
Televangelists Ė Pro Wrestlers of Religion
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
Tell the kids I love them-- God
Testing drugs on computers just makes them safe for computers.
Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Thank God I'm Female!
Thank God Mary and Joseph weren't pro choice!
THANK YOU for deciding what's good for me.
Thank you for not breeding.
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.-- God
That was Zen. This is Tao!
That which does not kill me pisses me off.
The "New Right" is fundamentally wrong.
The #1 cause of divorce is Marriage.
The ark saved Noah... the cross saved me!
The best sermon...is a good example
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
The best things in life are free plus tax.
The best things in life aren't things.
The best way to get on your feet is to get off your ass!
The Big Bang theory: And God said 'Pulleth my Finger'
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it.
The Christian right is neither.
The Christian Right Is Usually Neither.
The church is prayer-conditioned.
The closer you get, the slower I go.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
The complaint department is closed!
The computer revolution is over: The computers won!
The Damned Make Better Lovers
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The early worm gets caught.
The Earth is full. Go Home!
The Easter Bunny didn't rise from the dead.
The Face is familiar but I can't quite remember my Name.
The fact that no-one understands you does NOT make you an artist
The First Amendment grants Freedom of Speech. THE SECOND GUARANTEES IT!
The first boat people were white!
The four essential elements: Means, Motive, Opportunity and Chocolate!
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The Goddess does not seek worship Ė she rejoices in being vividly imagined.
The Goddess Is Alive And Magick Is Afoot
The Goddess loves you. Everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
The good old days: When sex was dirty and Michael Jackson was black.
The grass is always greener on TV!
The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere!
The last time religion got involved in politics, they burned people at the stake
The last time they combined religion and government, people got burned at the stake.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to recent cutbacks.
The Lord forgives; why don't you ?
The lord is my shepherd, but he's looking for a better job!
The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.
The main problem with Baptists is: They don't hold them under long enough
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
The male sex drive prevents extinction. The female sex drive prevents overpopulation.
The media are only as liberal as the conservative businesses that own them
The meek shall inherit the Earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
The more I learn about terrorism, the better I understand the phone company
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
The more things change the more they suck!
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
The mountain won't come to Muhammad. Jesus keeps moving the thing.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only trouble with Baptists is they donít hold them under long enough.
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
The opposite of progress is Congress.
The problem with religious texts is that the answers aren't in the back, either.
The Rapture already happened -- no one made the cut.
The rapture was last night!
The real problem with Baptists is that they never quite seem to hold them under long enough.
The religious right is neither.
The road to hell is paved with Democrats
The road to hell is paved with Republicans
The road to success is usually under construction.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
The seed of the soul is to serve
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The south WILL rise again.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Ten Commandments are NOT multiple choice -- God
The Ten Commandments are not the ten suggestions!
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
The truth is out there. Trust no one. Deny everything.
The urge to scream tells me I must be at work.
The Virgin Mary Was An Unwed Teenage Mother
The waist is a terrible thing to mind.
The way I drive, I've gotta have Faith! The way to a man's heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs
The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work!
There's a sucker reborn every minute - PT Robertson
There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob.
There's no Police like Holmes
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.
There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.
There are not enough hours in the day for all the bitching I need to do.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
There is no freedom OF religion without freedom FROM religion.
There is no God higher than Truth!
They're Lying
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.
They may break our hearts, but not our Spirit!
They said it couldn't be done and I proved it.
They told me I was gullible... and I believe them.
Think this looks bad? You should see the front.
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
This car stops for all roadkills.
This is my other car!
This is Not an abandoned vehicle.
This is your brain (Pentacle) This is your brain on drugs (Inverted Pentacle)
This isn't a life it's a forced March!
This may not be the Mayflower, but your daughter came across in it.
This truck belongs to me. Everything else belongs to her
This truck has been in 15 accidents... and hasnít lost one yet!
This vehicle is insured by Smith&Wesson.
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to Me.
Those who can, Teach. Those who cannot teach ARE RUNNING THE SCHOOLS!
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Thou shall not steal... my automobile!
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods.
Tired of being around? Call Dr. Jack.
Tithe if you love Jesus. Any fool can honk
To a Cat, People are just Furniture that does Tricks.
To a dog, you're one of the family. To a cat, you're one of the help.
To all you virgins out there, thanks for nothing!
To all you virgins... thanks for nothing.
To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
To err is human. To really foul things up requires computers.
To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer
To hell with the Baptists. Iím going to Disneyland.
To hell with the dog, beware of the owner
To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a support group.
To you its a 6 pack, To me its a support group.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
Today isn't your day. Tommorrow isn't looking too hot, either.
Tolkien is Hobbit-forming.
Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
Too Bad This Thing Can't Do 666 Mph.
Toonces is my co-pilot.
Tow-ers will be violated!
Trust God, He cares.
Trust God, She cares.
Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel.
Trust in God, but lock your car.
Trust in God. She will provide.
Trust me, I'm a lawyer!
Trust me, I work for the government!
Try a little coven lovin' (Heart w/Pentacle)
Turn back to God, America.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.
UFO's are real. It's the Air Force that doesn't exist!
Unborn Babies Are People, Too
Under protection of the Goddess.
Under Republicans, man exploits man. Under Democrats, it's exactly the opposite!
Unicorns aren't mythical ... virgins are!
United We Stand!
United We Stand. Divided we Fall!
Unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass!
Unless you're the lead dog, the view doesn't change!
Unless you are the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Untie Dexlysics!
Use CAUTION!
Vampires Suck!
Vasectomies stop abortions.
Vegetables aren't food. Vegetables are what food eats.
Vegetarian, Indian for poor hunter.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
Vegetarians taste better!
Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
Veni, vidi, velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
Very Pagan Person!
Victims and suspects and clues, oh my!
Virtue is itís own punishment.
Visualize Whirled Peas!
Vote Conservative! There's no mistake like an old mistake!
Vote Democrat ó it's easier than working!
Vote Republican. It's much easier than thinking.
W.A.S.P. White Anglo Saxon Pagan!
Wage Peace!
Walk by faith, not by sight!
Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister!
Want to be Jesus? I'll get the cross if you get the nails.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
War is Godís way of teaching geography.
Warning Invisible Dragon in Back Seat
Warning! Dates on Calendar are closer than they appear.
Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
Warning! Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
Warning! I have an attitude and i know how to use it!
Warning! I intentionally run over small, furry animals.
Warning! I know KARATE!! (and seven other chinese words)
Warning! Literal Belief In This Book May Endanger Your Health And Life.
Warning: mental backup in progress.
Wars are not fought to decide who is right.. Only who is left.
Was Jesus into body piercing 2000 years ahead of his time?
Was today really necessary?
Watch out for the idiot behind me.
We're spending our kids inheritance!
We're staying together for the sake of the cats!
We're the largest street gang in America. We're the Police!
We All come from the Goddess
We are America. Prepare to be assimilated.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse!
We are IBM! Windows is Irrelevant! You will be Assimilated!
We are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You will be Assimilated.
We are spending our kids inheritance.
We are the people our parents warned us about!
We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
We need to talk.-- God
We Pray Too
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
Weird Enough for Government Work.
Weird Load!
Welcome to California, take someone with you when you leave.
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Welcome to Eternity...Smoking or non smoking ?
Welcome to Florida, now go home.
Welcome to Hell Ė Iím your caseworker.
Welcome to Kentucky - Set your watch back 20 years.
Welcome to Middle Earth. Now Go Home.
Welcome to Shit Creek. Sorry, we're out of paddles.
Welcome to South Carolina, Yankee. NOW GET THE HELL OUT!
Welcome to Sunny Pandaemonium, The Sinner's Playground!
Welcome to Texas; speak English.
Well behaved women rarely make history.
What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
What's another word for Thesaurus?
What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
What a nice night for an evening.
What are these things in my hair? - Gaia
What did God do on the eighth day? Go bowling?
What do Kodak film have in common with condoms? Both capture the moment.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M
What do you mean we can't shoot them, its tourist season isn't it?
What God didn't give me, My plastic surgeon did!
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull!
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
What if the whole world FARTED at the same time?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What part of "No" don't you understand?
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?-- God
What the HERE Are You Looking At?
What we really need is a moment of SCIENCE in the public schools!
What would an adult do in this situation?
Whatever ...
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
When a Buddhist is absorbed in his computer, does he enter Nerdvana?
When all else fails, manipulate the data!
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
When Cthulhu Calls, he calls 1-800-Collect.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When faced with to evils, take the one you never tried before!
When God created man She must have been drunk and horny.
When God created man she was only kidding.
When God made man first, She was only practicing.
When God ordains, He sustains.
When He dried off, did He leave His face on all the towels?
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
When I am right nobody remembers. When I am wrong nobody forgets!
When I grow up, I wanna be just like Barbie. That Bitch has Everything!
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
When in doubt - shup up!
When Jesus ascended into heaven, who got custody of the Halo?
When Jesus changed the water into wine at the wedding of Cana, wasn't that enabling behavior?
When Jesus took a shower, did He walk up the spray from the shower nozzle?
When praying, don't give God instructions -- just report for duty.
When rapture comes. I'll move in with your family.
When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being Mean.
When the chips are down, the Buffalo is empty!
When the Church Ruled the World, it was called the Dark Ages.
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
When the Rapture comes, can I go to the Summerlands instead?
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
When you are tired of Jesus, can I have him?
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the Tax man.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
When youíre in love, youíre at the mercy of a stranger.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
Where's The Messiah When You Need HER?
Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
Where did Cain's wife come from?
Where Goddess Goes, Magic Grows.
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Where there's a Witch, there's a Way.
Which came first? The woman or the department store?
Which is the odd one out- Texas, Alabama, Arkanas, Tolerance?
Which is Worse? Screwing an intern or screwing the country.
White Anglo-Saxon PAGAN!
White Witch!
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Who's Who In Hell? Read the book.
Who are you to question why your god doesn't want me to believe in him?
Who cares who's on board?
Who is Jesus Christ? Inquire within!
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Who needs drugs? I go broke buying books!
Who said beer won't make you smarter? It made Bud wiser!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Who you know determines where you go!
Whoop dee fuckin doo!
Why am I in this basket and where am i going?
Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Why Are You Staring At My Bumper!? You Pervert!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Why be difficult. Be impossible!
Why be Normal?
Why didn't I start sooner?
Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they call apartments "apartments" when they are built together?
Why don't you believe in me? I believe in YOU!
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
why should I go to YOUR hell just because I dont believe in it?
Why should we trust the government with automatic weapons?
Why suffer from insanity when you can revel in it?
Wiccan Army: We will not fly silently into the night!
Will build thermonuclear devices for food
Will litigate for food!
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
Will the last American leaving Miami, please bring the flag?
Will the road you're on get you to my place?-- God
Will work for food... Will beg for sex
Will Write Code for Food!
Wink, I'll do the rest!
Witch's Parking ONLY! All Others Will Be TOAD!
Witch Wagon - Tailgaters will be Toad!
Witch: My other vehicle is a broom stick.
Witches' Parking - All others Toad.
Witches are Crafty People!
Witches are just so crafty!
Witches do it in circles!
Witches Heal!
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum.
With enough thrust, lift is irrelevant.
With my life I could be on all of Oprah's shows.
Wizard Wagon - Tailgaters will be toad!
Wizards have crystal balls & Halloween - what have you got?
Woman make great leaders, you're following one!
Women belong in the house (and the Senate).
Women can be saints. Why not priests?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending on you.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Work is for people who don't know how to golf.
Work is for people who don't surf the net!
Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
Worry. God knows all about you.
WWJD -- Why Won't Jesus Drive?
WWJD for a klondike bar?
www.sex@myplace.com.now.
XXX the censors!
Yes this is my truck. No I wont help you move.
Yes, I've heard of "decaf." What's your point?
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!
You'll need to know my name. You'll be screaming it later.
You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.
You're Just Jealous because the Voices are talking To Me
You're just jealous because the Voices only talk to ME.
You're making a food order, not choosing life insurance.
You're People of the Book; what are you worried about?
You're pro-life? That's fine. Now get one and stay out of mine!
You're the reason God created the middle finger.
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares
You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
You can't chill out in the Hellfire... It's cooler to be a Muslim
You can't fix stupid
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You can't love God unless God loves Himself.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him or her.
You don't believe in Jesus? You will on Judgment Day.
You don't need a pedigree to be a best friend
You earthlings have such strange eating habits
You eat three times a day; why can't you pray five times?
You found God? If nobody claims him in 30 days, he's yours!
You Go Yahweh - and I'll go Mine! You have every right to hear my opinion.
You have the right to remain silent. So please SHUT UP.
You have to be really secure to be seen in a car like this.
You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never see a Harley parked in front of a shrink's office.
You non-conformists are all the same.
You say "bitch" like its a bad thing.
You say "psycho" like it's a bad thing.
You think it's hot here?-- God
You toucha my Car, you fry for Eternity.
You! Out of the Gene Pool!
Your child may be an honors student, but You're a moron.
Your child may be an honors student, but You're still an idiot.
Your College Sucks!
Your energy, your will, your God!
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine!
Your honor student never gets laid!
Your honor student sells bumper stickers!
Your honor student swallows!
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Your TURN SIGNALS are for my enjoyment ! Your village just called. They're missing an idiot.
Zero to naked in 5.1 beers.

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